In case you ever need to brighten your day: Best...
Is it wrong that the only time I've been in the gym in the last month is to buy peanut butter smoothies? I try my best to lunge in and out.
A mosquito just bit my ass so hard it almost felt good. Except now I can't sit down without a hemroid pillow. #thanksmaryland
Wait I forgot - running smack into a blind man while texting - good luck or bad luck?
Auto-correct strikes again. My phone turns "fed" into "F'ed" which is awkward when telling my roommate I gave the dog his food.
Woot woot! Teen Choice Awards Nomination whaaaat? So awesome. Thank you guys very much. I'm glad teens like Dr. shows and not just porn.
I know I'm in New York when I find myself at Sing Sing at 3am karaoke-ing my balls off with a bunch of beautiful strangers... and pizza.
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
AAND my favorite:
Glad the rapture didn't happen since I just got waxed.
Anonymous asked: Whats your fav character off of Lost?
Ask me questions tonight.
Anything & everything. Anon is on, nothing off limits. :)
We let Willow cut her hair. When you have a little girl, it’s like how can you...– Will Smith, on why he let Willow cut all of her hair off. (via junehymn)
Dallas Green is perfect.
OKAY its childish gambino… Homegirl drop it like the nasdaq. Move white girls like there’s coke up my ass crack, move black girls cuz man fuck it I’ll do either, I love pussy, I love bitches, dude I should be running PETA.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I won’t be on this planet for very long. I...– Ben Folds, Don’t Change Your Plans (via thoughtsithinkthem)